I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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