I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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