Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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