:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
