We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
