Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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