You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
