I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize