i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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