I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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