good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
