the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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