She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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