And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize