She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She told me I should be a condom model.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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