I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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