No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
