paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
