He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
