I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize