Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
