I wish I could teleport
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
