So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
