I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
