so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
