God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
