so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
birth control should be required to get into college
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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