This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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