so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize