I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize