Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
