If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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