He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
