part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
