yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
