I just saw a hot homeless man
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
