Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
