Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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