her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
