I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
