I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
