$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm having to shit out rocks
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