just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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