Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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