Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He has the fingertips of a God
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