Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize