i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
