nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
