she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
