I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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