So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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