do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
