Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
