It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
