after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
