just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
