Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
