I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
