We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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