just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
