i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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