I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Randomize
