now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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