On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
